The Gayest Breakfast Ever

Does the fact that I break my banana into pieces before eating it make me homophobic?

In private, I'm more than content to peel the skin back and just eat it, but when I'm at work or in a public setting that will never do. I'll peel back enough of the skin to expose a few inches of banana, and then tear off chunks to eat with my other hand. It's much messier to eat this way since I get banana stuff on my fingers, but I still can't bring myself to go down on the damn thing.

I can't think of any other ways that I'm homophobic. I like to see happy people in love and showing affection regardless of what sex they are. I'm enraged that gay marriage is even a discussion at this point. The point is, I'm no activist, but I feel strongly about leveling the playing field and I vote accordingly.

So, do I honestly think that someone will see me eating a banana and think "Wow, that guy must love to suck dick"? And if that's the case, why would I care if they think that?

I asked a female friend about this, and she mentioned that she does the same thing. I was surprised and asked her why. She said that she's had bad experiences with men in other offices watching her eat and doesn't want to fuel the fire. It was funny to me until I pictured some lonely guy in the corner staring at women while they eat.

But still, I was right. Adults with careers and mortgages and children of their own still can't get past the banana-looks-like-a-penis thing and they're just waiting for me to go for it. They're watching. So, today I will not disappoint. Today, I'm going to make them see what they're missing. I'm going to make them disappointed I'm not gay and eat my banana with one hand only.

I really feel like I'm growing as an individual.