Lucy Loo & Otis Too

It's early, but things are already winding down here. The dogs are curled up at the foot of the bed, snug in their cliche. Jen is already asleep, though the sun isn't down yet. The dogs and I were keeping her company while she read, but after satisfying my Facebook addiction for awhile, I find myself still sitting here, not sure what I really want to be doing.

We've been taking the dogs for walks more. Uncivilized beasts, they are. Otis is really decent for the most part, but Lucy is non stop work. To take her out we have to gear her up. Loaded with a shock collar (save your judgements) and a Gentle Leader, it's still all we can do to control the twelve pounds of fury tethered by a cute pink leash. The Gentle Leader is great because it keeps her from pulling the entire time we're walking. The shock collar is great because she gets a small zap when she barks. With it, she still barks some. Without it, she flies into a fury of barking and high-pitched squealing at the sight of flailing children, bicyclists, joggers, and chipmunks.

Our walk begins next to soccer fields that accommodate up to 8 games to be played at once (flailing children), and it's on a bike trail (bicyclists and joggers), and chipmunks are a epidemic everywhere you go (you get the idea). It's a perfect storm.

I don't know what we'd do without the battery powered taser attached to her neck. The collar might seem cruel, but trust me...walking her without one is much worse for all involved, including Lucy.

Walkin' The Dogs

It's a beautiful night tonight. Hot out, but not thick and muggy like it has been and there was a bit of a breeze. Not a bad night to hit up our local shelter CHA and walk some puppies. It was just good to get out and clear my head for a bit.

There's a trail that leads around the outside edge of the shelter's property and you can take it through a stand of trees and out onto a nice paved bike trail (the trail that will someday take me to work). It was toward the end of my shift, and I was just letting Giselle, the lab mix I was walking roll around in the grass, when I felt my phone vibrate, letting me know I missed a call.

It was a friend of mine who had read my blog a bit earlier and was calling to check on me to see if I was OK. Awwww. I tend to be a bit morose when I write sometimes, and I know at the time of the posting I was just sick of my cubicle mates and wanting to be outside, but I definitely wasn't in bad shape with my day. I just liked the melodrama of wrapping myself up in that crappy carpet. I'm a dork like that.

She was fully prepared to talk me off the ledge she imagined me to be standing on, and sounded surprised when I sounded so chipper on the phone. Phone calls are always awkward with me, because I'm an awkward man, so we wrapped up quickly. I was totally laughing though. I had no idea I came across that bad.

So, for the record, I'd like to point out that I'm a pretty happy fellow most of the time even if my blog comes across as a downer occasionally. No, I'm not the jumping up and down with joy because I get to go play with mortgages every day kind of happy, but I'm doing OK.

So, to my friend that called tonight, I say thank you. If there's ever a time when I feel like I'm just going to steer my car off the cliff, I now know who to call. Fortunately for both of us, I'm awkward on the phone, so I'll probably just drive home instead so we don't have to have a weird conversation. I couldn't bear having someone in my life that I could be out drinking with and hear her say "Hey, you remember that one time I kept you from driving off a cliff?"

To everyone else, I'll work on being cheerier. I promise. Tomorrow, I'm totally starting on that .

In other completely unrelated news, my good pal Felix posted this mix his brother put together. Andor 2000 - Breakbeats. I've had a bit of a taste for electronica/trance lately, and while I haven't heard the whole thing yet (it's one track that runs an hour long) I'm really digging it so far. Plus, it don't cost nuthin'. Cheap as hell...you won't even know. If you snag it, stop by and let him know. He loves love.

Gimme Shelter

Jen-E-Jen and I decided to try to get a bit more involved in our community, and we're starting that up by volunteering at our local animal shelter. We found a joint called Citizen's for Humane Action (http://www.chaanimalshelter.org/ ) , who are staffed by approximately 95% volunteers. Wednesday we did Orientation, and then worked our first shift last night. It was really fun. When we showed up we were pretty much put straight to work walking dogs.

This shelter gets each dog out of their dog run multiple times per day. They have a rotating group of volunteers that come in and take them out. It gives them a chance to go sniff some flowers, bark at bicyclists on the paved bike trail right behind the shelter, and roll around in the grass. Last night, there were enough volunteers that every dog was able to get out for 20-30 minutes each. After that, we helped two of the more established volunteers, Ed & Julie, get the dogs settled in for the night and get their breakfast ready.

The cool thing about this was just being around people that are passionate about something. We have been so isolated and hermit-like the past few years, that it's refreshing to be around people that are inspiring. It's addictive. On the drive home, we found ourselves talking about pitching in on other projects for the shelter. I think I'd like to get involved in the Fundraising Committee since they have some cool events that they schedule throughout the year. I think I could learn a lot about Event Planning while doing some good at the same time.

In the meantime though, I'm just going to roll around in the grass with some dogs.

Demon Dogs of the Night

I picked up Otis and Lucy (my two very manly ten pound dogs) just before 7:00 from the groomers and brought them home. As always, they were all strung out from a day spent in a strange place. Otis was shaking the whole way home, and the moment they got in they guzzled water side by side, unable to quench the thirst within.

Then, they chased and fought one another and seemed to stare at me when they thought I wouldn't notice. In short, their behavior made me nervous.


I don't mean to sound like an alarmist, but I am quite certain that my lap dogs are possessed by Satan. I'm convinced that sometime after the clippers were put away and the toenails were clipped, my dogs participated in a Satanic ritual and are now full of the powers of darkness.

You have doubts? Peep these...




In this first shot you have Lucy (rockin' the pink bandanna) lying in wait before offering up a sacrifice to her master (note the fires of Hell burning in her eyes). Otis (in blue) just got done trying to quench said fires of hell with a long steady drink at the water bowel, but to no avail.




In this shot, Lucy hasn't moved a muscle. She is lying in wait for her chance to strike. Beside her, Otis flicks his tongue like the serpent dwelling in his soul dictates. (Note the fires of Hell are still burning in their eyes).




And finally, here we have Otis, dropping the pretense of being a normal Silky Terrier and giving in to the lust for blood that now fuels his every move. Yes, hellfire still spills from his eyes.






I've put them to bed for now, but if my fears prove accurate I'm guessing the thin wired cage they bunk out in won't contain the horror that is about to be unleashed. I knew we should have paid more for the deluxe crate.

Bits of Tid

A new Portishead album hits tomorrow. I burned a leak of the new disc over the weekend to check it out and cannot wait to buy it this week. Seriously, ya'll...support the artists financially that you believe in. They have enough people taking money out of their pocket, they don't need you doing it too.

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Today is Mario Kart Day for me and mine. Tonight should be full of high-speed hi-jinks (after working out, cleaning the kitchen, and playing with the dogs, of course). The fifteen minutes I actually get to play are going to be amazing...I can feel it.

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Speaking of the dogs, I had to drop them off for grooming this morning. We generally like them natural looking, but break down and have them fluffed and puffed a few times a year. It's always a nightmare, because our dogs are generally ill-behaved. Otis believes everything he sees at the vet's office (where we have them groomed) belongs to him, and as such, pees on everything if you let him. He's an eleven pound dog when we get to the office, but by the time we leave I think he weighs two pounds due to fluid loss. I don't know where it all comes from.

Our other dog, Lucy, barks. I know you're thinking, "No shit, she barks. She's a dog." But, just like there are people that take a simple thing from life and focus and explained on it, elevating it to an art form, there are dogs that do this as well. Lucy is one such creature. While not discerning, Lucy's barking is no simple disgruntled yelp. Her bark pierces and echoes. It slices through the air and rattles around your head several minutes after the actual barking is done. She barks at dogs, televised or real, cartoon or actual. The other day, she actually growled at a picture of herself that came up on our computer's screen saver. Genius.

So, between trying to keep her quiet enough to talk to the groomer and praying to God that Otis doesn't piss on my leg out of frustration for me not letting him claim the Reception Desk as his own, my morning kind of blew. I think the groomer heard my instructions, but if I pick them up tonight and they have mohawks, the dogs will have no one to blame but themselves. For the record though, I would be totally down with some mohawks.

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It was a beautiful day yesterday, so we headed up to Mohican State Park to go hiking. It was a good day. We climbed a Fire Tower to check out the valley and took a relatively short four mile hike. Saw some deer and acted like idiots. I haven't checked out the pictures yet, but if there's anything worthwhile, I'll throw them up here later today.

That's all I've got.

No Coffee, Thanks. Please Pass the Downers

Sunday morning I step out on the porch and take a sleepy swipe at the paper and catch it by the end of the platic bag pulling all eight glorious pounds of it into the house. I'm not a huge newspaper guy as a rule, but there is something about Sunday morning a cup of coffee and a dog at your feet that just feels like home. It's a ritual that puts me at ease and while I don't go crazy if I'm too rushed to spend an hour or so flipping through the sections that interest me (Arts, Metro, Travel & the advertisements) it's a good part of my day anytime I can work it in. It relaxes me.

Fortunately, in case I wasn't going to be relaxed enough on my Sunday puttering around the house, the good folks at the Columbus Dispatch teamed up with Advil to help take even more of the edge off my morning.


That's right. Handily included with my morning dose of death, destruction, and half-assed movie reviews were free sedatives. Hot damn! The writing turned poetic. The sidebar detailing tips to stay comfortable, even on the longest of flights, was especially poignant. I giggled through the book reviews and managed a nappy guffaw at Family Circle. The Real Estate section changed my life. Oh, the colors, children!

That's right. I, like many other Central Ohioans, crushed my free Advil PM into dust and snorted it right off the Business section. From that moment on, I knew I would never read the paper any other way.

The rest of the weekend was great, although less chemically enhanced. We bought the new bikes we had our eye on. Jen got to bring her bike home, but they are waiting for mine to come in. Our little bike shop managed to get me the last Raleigh Venture 4.0 available in the manufacturer's warehouse. I can't wait until the great white death outside melts into puddles so I can go racing through them in a cloud of muddy spray.

The last thing of note from this past weekend was the introduction of Christianity into my home from a rather unexpected source. First, some background.

Until my father decided to run through a string of additional wives/pre-built families, he was a minister. In his early years our family was Nazarene, but over time he became less picky and would go to work for any church/denomination that would overlook his checkered past. This is not as rare a thing as you would hope. Anyway, the point is, I was raised in the church until the time I turned eighteen and left home at which time the church and I parted ways. While my father passed a little over a year ago, my mother and sister remain very involved in their respective congregations.

My brother and sister-in-law are looking for answers and seem to have found some with this Christian motivational speaker guy (sorry, forget his name). From what I can gather, the gist of his message is "Ask God for favor, and you'll be amazed at what you will receive". They are way into receiving, not unlike me. We just go about it different ways.

My wife also is looking for answers. She would like to believe in the traditional spiritual avenues the majority of Middle Americans travel, but in the end she just can't bring herself to buy into anything. As a result, she's moved on to philosophies, primarily Buddhism. While she doesn't claim to be a Buddhist, she is learning more and more about it and has started some meditation. It brings her a bit of comfort, and there is no way I would ever do anything to take that away from her. Plus, add the fact that I know very little about it, and I don't have too much to say on the subject.

This weekend Jen brought home a Buddha head just because it looked cool. The Buddha she got was not the happy "Let's have another cheeseburger and get high" Buddha I tend to love, but rather a skinnier more femininely serious version that I'm told leans more to the Thai model.

I like it. A lot. I like it because it doesn't fit in our living room (its new home), it looks aged and cracked, and I know that my father would have hated to see it. You know, false idols and all of that. You see, when I was a kid, the idea that people would even want a Buddha in their home was laughable. Who could believe such horseshit? These people need to smarten up and get down with a believable religion like Christianity. Right.

Well, she brought it home, put it on its shelf and we all loved it. Well, all of us but one.

Otis, my ten pound Silky Terrier, caught the fire of the Lord and rebuked that stone Buddha head all evening long. He would lean forward to sniff at its nose and growl. He would take two steps back and bark at it. When he walked away from it, it was always while throwing nervous glances over his shoulder. We thought he would let it go the following day, but no. He still had things to say to the passive hunk of ceramic.

If you had asked me before this, I would have told you dogs would make great Buddhists. They are all about living in the moment. On the other hand, apathetic agnosticism would probably be the best fit; they don't know and they don't care. What I never would have guessed would be that a dog would display such a visceral reaction to Buddha and it leaves me convinced that my dog is Born Again. So be it. If it brings him peace, who am I to criticize?

Still, I'm more curious than ever about his beliefs. I plan on getting busts of Obama, Freud, Stalin, Woodie Guthrie and George W so I can figure out exactly what I’m up against.