Cut Cut Cut

Tonight I trashed a big chunk of stuff that I had written for "Test Market". It was a mistake to go through and read some of what I had written, but still it happened and so I spent some time getting rid of some terrible terrible writing that would have had to have been cut anyway.

It isn't like I've been spending tons of time writing like I should be, so cutting really made a dent in the word count. It basically took me back to square one. To make up for it a bit, I just wrote out one of the creepiest bits of dialog I've ever written. So much fun, because I know that if I'm uncomfortable writing it, it's going to be downright painful for some people to read.

So maybe it's a good thing to be taking out the trash, even so early into the process. My interest in the project is renewed and I'm vowing to just plug away and not go back to read anything anymore. It's just too discouraging to see what an abysmal writer I can be.

That' s it for me. I'm going to go to bed and find something cheerful on television to fall asleep to. I'm up early in the morning for a nice long bike ride before it gets too hot. I've got to finish mapping out some routes for the Pedal for Pets charity ride I'm helping plan.

Nighty night.

Fall

The leaves are noisier now than they were a week ago. Their dry edges and they scrape against each other in the wind. When you're quiet, it's so loud. Last night, Jen and I stood still on a bridge that crosses a small creek not too far from our home and listened. It was a good night.

Some of the leaves are even starting to fall already. We rode our bikes the other day and leaves drifted with cinematic grace around us and on us as we pedaled along slowly, talking. Enough had fallen on the trail that they were being ground into smaller pieces and the air was full of the good sweet smell of them. Even though it was almost 90 degrees that day, it was the first hint of fall and it made me want more.

I've been stuck working a lot of overtime at work lately, and it's kept me from riding to work. The weather the last two days has been so amazing that I couldn't keep myself from taking my bike in, so I woke up at 4:00 this morning to I could get ready and get to work by 6:00. On the trail by 5:00, there was one thing that I hadn't considered before getting out there. It's creepy out there in the dark alone. Just plain creepy.

There was a bit of fog collected along the stream banks, and it swallowed the small straining headlight I had mounted to my bike, reducing my visibility to about 6 feet. Small animals moved in my periphery making me hope I wouldn't scare a skunk in the dark. The things that I don't like about the trail during the day (neighborhoods, apartment complexes, open fields) became the places I loved in the dark (street lights, security lights, the half moon above me). The whole time I was riding though, the smell of the leaves filled the air, and in the darkness seemed even stronger.

The Gayest Breakfast Ever

Does the fact that I break my banana into pieces before eating it make me homophobic?

In private, I'm more than content to peel the skin back and just eat it, but when I'm at work or in a public setting that will never do. I'll peel back enough of the skin to expose a few inches of banana, and then tear off chunks to eat with my other hand. It's much messier to eat this way since I get banana stuff on my fingers, but I still can't bring myself to go down on the damn thing.

I can't think of any other ways that I'm homophobic. I like to see happy people in love and showing affection regardless of what sex they are. I'm enraged that gay marriage is even a discussion at this point. The point is, I'm no activist, but I feel strongly about leveling the playing field and I vote accordingly.

So, do I honestly think that someone will see me eating a banana and think "Wow, that guy must love to suck dick"? And if that's the case, why would I care if they think that?

I asked a female friend about this, and she mentioned that she does the same thing. I was surprised and asked her why. She said that she's had bad experiences with men in other offices watching her eat and doesn't want to fuel the fire. It was funny to me until I pictured some lonely guy in the corner staring at women while they eat.

But still, I was right. Adults with careers and mortgages and children of their own still can't get past the banana-looks-like-a-penis thing and they're just waiting for me to go for it. They're watching. So, today I will not disappoint. Today, I'm going to make them see what they're missing. I'm going to make them disappointed I'm not gay and eat my banana with one hand only.

I really feel like I'm growing as an individual.

Punk Rock Girl Vs. The Animals

Jen says "Sup?" to a hedgehog just inside the gates to the zoo.

Jen and I spent the morning at the Columbus Zoo. We usually go over a couple of times a year, and while we always seem to have a pretty good time, I think we leave with mixed feelings. We enjoy getting out on a sunny day to see animals we would never have the chance to see in the wild, but it's quickly followed by being disappointed that everything is trapped behind glass or wire.

I get that zoos are involved in conservation and have been responsible for saving species and yadda yadda yadda...I just can't ignore the fact that there's a small voice in my head saying "Set them free!" I feed the voice whiskey and he quiets.

Like I said though...it's fun for us:

From the darkness comes (dun dun dun!) a turtle!

Even though she gets pissed that I get to be the one behind the camera

most of the time, she's a very tolerant wife.

Our State Fair is a Grand State Fair

I want to tell you about a magical place. It's a place of many many wonders and while most of the sights were familiar, they were still entertaining.

Some friends were in from out of town and wanted to go to the Ohio State Fair. Jen and I generally skip the fair for all the usual reasons, but our friends were genuinely excited to go, and it kind of rubbed off on us. I ran home from work, threw on some shorts and headed out the door to take in the big show. Below is a brief sketch of the sights I saw.

1 - Bellies. Lots of bellies. Some of the "Rah-rah Cheerleader" variety, and some were in the "Hope I can pick up a man and take him back to my trailer" vein. Most however were "I'm a man who has a t-shirt three sizes too small for my stomach" variety. As a large mammal myself, I'm especially sensitive to these men and women who dangle a good three inches below the hem of their Harley Davidson shirts and I want to pull them aside and let them know the garment industry is adapting to accommodate their ever expanding needs.


2 - Blatant abuse of the English Language. We shuddered collectively when we heard the mother tell her toddler "You bout got runned over!" I will never profess to have good grammar, but still....damn. On the plus side, we spent the rest of the night telling each other that we're lucky we didn't get runned over.


3 - Food on a Stick. I realize this is old hat for a State Fair and it's a running joke that's become a cliche. Seriously though...Egg on a Stick?


4 - Arts and crafts. This is a broad category that runs from the intricate and beautiful to the...Well, to this:




I know what you're wondering, and the answer is yes. All Ohio counties were represented by a decorative hat.

5 - Corndogs. Mmmmmmm...corndogs.

6 - A giant scruffy fellow in a "Boobies Make Me Smile" T-shirt. Yes they do, my friend. Yes they do.

7 - Foot Massage Stools. These contraptions look like half a barrel with a metal platform to put your feet up on. For a mere 25 cents you too can enjoy jarring vibrations for 45 seconds accompanied with a rumbling sound not unlike a passing New York City Subway Train. Relaxation, State Fair style.

8 - Vendors. In what I believe is the Exposition Hall, all of the Vendors come out to sell their wares. The amount of things you can get (and the variety) is staggering. All under one roof you could accomplish the following:

Buy one of half a dozen magic cloths that hold 16 times their own weight in spilled Kool Aid.

Order a new Social Security card.

Buy pots and pans (the last set you'll ever need).

Bulk candy, ya'll. Bulk candy.

Get saved and sanctified with one of the local churches.

Buy a hot tub.

Sober up with the county Drug and Alcohol Awareness office.

Get tattooed.

Learn more about Scientology at the L Ron Hubbard booth.

Buy "designer" fragrances for half the cost of the real thing.

Have your ring cleaned.

Request a free mobility chair. ("Screw you, I'd look good on a Jazzy!")


The bottom line is, the fair aint all bad. I guess it's all in what you're looking for. And as long as there's preacher asking "Did you know there are two things that God can't do?" as I walk by his booth, I'll be coming back. (For the record, possible answers included "Make me come back to your booth?" and "Find a rock so big he can't pick it up?")


Good times.

Dance, You Fucker, Dance

Last night I picked up a friend from the Cleveland airport and we headed straight over to Blossom Music Center for last night's Radiohead show. Several months ago we bought Pit tickets which is a small standing room only section up against the stage. Without question it was the best money I've spent in ages.

Most shows that I go to have their moments where genius seems to peek through the clouds and you find yourself blown away but what you're seeing. Last night's show did that with nearly every song. I know I'm such a fanboy, but still...last night couldn't have been more perfect. Good people, good whiskey, good fun.

SET LIST:

15 Step, There There, Morning Bell, All I Need, Pyramid Song, Nude, Weird Fishes/Arpeggi, The Gloaming, The National Anthem, A Wolf at the Door, Faust Arp, Exit Music (For a Film), Jigsaw Falling into Place, Idioteque, Climbing Up the Walls, Bodysnatchers, How to Disappear Completely.

ENCORE: Videotape, Paranoid Android, Dollars & Cents, Reckoner, Street Spirit (Fade Out).

SECOND ENCORE: House Of Cards, Lucky, Everything in Its Right Place.

What's this? You'd like to see more grainy cell phone pictures? All you had to do was ask, my friend.