Randomness Abounds

When I was a little kid, I didn't have much in the way of a tough male role model. As a result, I was convinced that my uncle Curt was the baddest man alive. He had a habit of chewing on the corner of his lower lip, a habit I immediately equated with toughness. One morning, I was on the bus on my way to school and there was an older kid who was staring at me. I didn't like it, so I started chewing on the corner of my bottom lip, showing him I was a bad man and not to be messed with. The kid started laughing at me, and then sucked in half of his lower lip and gnawed on it with yellowed fence post teeth. I remember being shocked that someone would use my own "I'm tough" signals back at me in a mocking manner. I immediately decided that posturing wasn't my thing.

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The last couple of days I've started going for a walk on my lunch. Yesterday, I froze without a hat and gloves, so today I came better prepared. I go across the street to a park and walk around a gravel nature trail towards the back of the property. It's a great way to spend an hour. The deer, undersized from the crowded conditions, are used to people and run more out of habit than from actual fear. The squirrels are fat and sleek, looking freshly oiled and seem to be everywhere. They say there's a good fox population, but I've never seen proof of that, and I guess I don't expect to. There's still some snow around, though there seems to be less of it today than there was yesterday. It's limited now to the fallen limbs and trees and along the piles of leaves, but has melted in the places where it had fallen on the actual ground.

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Jen got an automated call from her doctor telling her she had a message in her secure voice mail. She called up and listened to a voice mail that told her she was cancer free. The margins of the mass they removed were nice and clean, and she now has less than a week before the stitches come out.

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We've been doing some things around the house getting ready for Jen's mother's Thanksgiving visit, and our decorating is finally starting to get weird enough to make me happy. First, I got Kim Jong iLL hung up along the stairway half wall on the second floor landing. They're lower than I had planned on, and not immediately visible when you go upstairs, but they looked so great there that they had to stay. We also got some other prints up including a great shot of Madonna (Jen is a huge fan of early Madonna) completely nude (Stephen is a huge fan of early or late nudity) while hitchhiking. I know what you're thinking because I've already heard it before: "I wouldn't hang that crap in my house". That, dear friend, is why you don't live here. It makes me smile every time I see it. We also got some family photos framed and hung, so our house, after 6 years, is finallly starting to look a little homey. Well, our version of homey anyway.

The Gayest Breakfast Ever

Does the fact that I break my banana into pieces before eating it make me homophobic?

In private, I'm more than content to peel the skin back and just eat it, but when I'm at work or in a public setting that will never do. I'll peel back enough of the skin to expose a few inches of banana, and then tear off chunks to eat with my other hand. It's much messier to eat this way since I get banana stuff on my fingers, but I still can't bring myself to go down on the damn thing.

I can't think of any other ways that I'm homophobic. I like to see happy people in love and showing affection regardless of what sex they are. I'm enraged that gay marriage is even a discussion at this point. The point is, I'm no activist, but I feel strongly about leveling the playing field and I vote accordingly.

So, do I honestly think that someone will see me eating a banana and think "Wow, that guy must love to suck dick"? And if that's the case, why would I care if they think that?

I asked a female friend about this, and she mentioned that she does the same thing. I was surprised and asked her why. She said that she's had bad experiences with men in other offices watching her eat and doesn't want to fuel the fire. It was funny to me until I pictured some lonely guy in the corner staring at women while they eat.

But still, I was right. Adults with careers and mortgages and children of their own still can't get past the banana-looks-like-a-penis thing and they're just waiting for me to go for it. They're watching. So, today I will not disappoint. Today, I'm going to make them see what they're missing. I'm going to make them disappointed I'm not gay and eat my banana with one hand only.

I really feel like I'm growing as an individual.